Days of Tears

Today was one of those days. I shed more tears than I can count. My heart hurts. My head hurts. I've been degraded. I've been talked down to. I've been hurt. I've passed out. I've been to the doctor. I've cried.  I've been to a viewing at the funeral home. I've fallen apart. My kids cried because "mommies eyes were watering while we were praying."

It's one of those days I wish could be erased. I don't understand a lot about today.

As I left the funeral home, I just wept. There were so many people there I have loved my whole life. People who have watched me grow up. People who I respect. I got lots of hugs I needed tonight, at a funeral home of all places. I HATE and love funeral homes. They are sad but they are times of togetherness that I love. They have a way of bringing people together who used to always be together. Tonight, I am grateful for the funeral home. What a testimony of life to have a line full of huggers. It is exciting to know that Mr. DUANE is celebrating with Christ. He is made new and there is no suffering where he is.

Today I was basically told I suck at my job. That is disheartening. I love teaching. I love my kids. I try my best everyday. I know I am where I am supposed to be, but I don't understand days like today. They hurt.

I passed out today. It's been five years. It happened again. I pray this is a fluke. I don't want to do it all again. My head hurts because I creamed it on the tile floor. I have a follow up tomorrow. I am thankful for Dr. Black. I am thankful that I'm not crazy. I'm thankful I don't have to take pills to go to work.

I'm thankful for friends checking on me. I'm thankful for David giving my space and picking up in my absence  while my brain is elsewhere. I'm thankful for three little boys whose hugs and giggles can make it all seem better. I am so thankful for that parent that took the time to check on me and sent an email with her thankfulness for what I do. It meant the world.

That's a wrap on my horrible terrible no good very bad day. I hope tomorrow is different.

On dAys like today, I must simply be still and know that He is God.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9